Category: Let's talk
What is the general attitude/etiquette of sending/answering private quick notes?
I'm not inclined to answer a private QN from someone I don't know unless I've seen them post in threads or if they reference something I've posted about.
I don't understand the persistent PQNing when you haven't gotten a response to your first ten PQNs.
And, yes, I am aware of the ignore feature. Just curious how others view this.
Some just try starting a conversation by saying hi, and nothing else. I figure that's the sort of stuff you're talking about. I personally ignore quicknotes unless a person can get a bit more creative than just saying something like hi, or sup?, or hello. It's personal preference though really. There's no set of rules about it. I don't understand what the deal with that is either.
I'm not a lovely female, so it doesn't happen to me.
Normally if someone sends me a quick note, and I'm not leaving, I answer it.
If I'm posting it may take me some time to refresh the page, but if they stick around, and all they sent me was a hello, I'll say hello back, and send them a smile.
It doesn't matter if I know them or not, if they keep talking I soon will.
I've not had anyone persist, I guess, because I don't ignore them.
I generally really enjoy getting to know people. I imagine most of the people sending me a message are actually doing it because of something I've written on the boards, or because of my profile, such as it is. The rest, well, they probably just message people randomly. I don't mind people who just say "hi", but I find it's a little harder (for me personally) to start or keep a conversation going that way. I like it when people have something to say. usually if I send someone a message is it sof the same reason I mentioned above. As for guidelines, don't spam me, and don't be a dick. Otherwise, feel free. I'm friendly.
I've often had private qn's from people just saying hi. If I say hi back to them, often they don't say anything else. I'm not going to feel responsible for trying to keep a conversation going with someone with so little imagination. If they mention something in my profile or something I've written on the boards, that's great and I'll definitely chat with them. But mostly it seems to be people with nothing much to say or guys trying to flirt, and I'm not really interested in either.
I don't see a problem with people saying just hi. I don't do it, but I am one to keep up a conversation. Like Wayne, I post to the boards and that's why it might take me a while to respond, but I find it to be bad manners to not respond to someone. Now if all they do is say Sup, or just say the same thing over and over I won't respond, but I mean you can always turn your messages off if you wish not to receive any quick notes. Some people have a harder time keeping up a conversation, but at least they try getting to know people.
I have a few guys that I don't respond to because they give me the feeling all they are doing is looking for a girlfriend and trying to get anyone at all to respond. I just ignore them. They still, after a couple of years or more, have not given up.
Otherwise, I will sometimes respond saying hello. It depends . A lot of time I log in and out so fast I don't get the messages until the next time I come back on and they aren't on anymore. other timesI am reading some board posts and talking on skype at the same time and don't have enough of me to throw myself in to an online chatt fest.
I have also found that people will say hello then want to skype quickly after but I am already in a skype chat or not planning to stick around on my computer to get in a 12 hour skype call, so I just avoyed and don't respond...
If I private someone for the first time, it's usually because I found something in their profile that we're both into.
PM me and you will probably receive a response even if you just say hi.
hi nicky.
Anible....
you don't bother me at all....
Your also not trying to date me either...
PS
HI.
Thanks
For those that just send me messages saying 'hi,' I often respond with some variant of:
High.
Well, are you?
Those using speech may want to look at the spelling of that, and come to think of it I do wonder how many it is lost on.
hehe!
I really don't mind. Quick note me.
(high) Leo? Smile.
How. High are you?
there are people that I know are incapable of keeping a conversation going, sup?" never the less every time they log in, they send the same messages. "Hi," "Sup
Usually i'm on here while doing something else. I respond to the interesting QNs/my friends, but ignore the people sending stupid, pointless, and dead Quick notes.
For a while, i'd put these people on ignore if they did it for days, but I thought that was a little extreme. So, I removed them from my list. Only for it all to start again.
Now, i'm wondering if some of these people have been sending me messages that got ignored, for years. lol
Sup! James!
Lol. Leo.
Sup? I dunno, is it supper time?
although there's no real set of rules for exchanging quicknotes, I never respond to one-worded ones. I've found that people who send those kinda messages likely haven't read my profile, and are just looking to randomly chat with whoever they come across. that isn't my thing.
however, if a person PQN's me cause of something they've seen on the boards, or to ask for help with a particular task, I'll usually respond.
that being said, I wanna use some of y'all's suggestions, in response to PQN's like, "hi." so, thanks in advance, for providing them, along with a laugh.
She said, "High", I said, "Yes, I am". LOL Leo! It's in a old song, called "Ariel". or something, I forget who did it.
Wasn't it Dean Friedman or something like that?
Just the other evening I decided to come out of invisible status and within a minute or two some jerkwod sent me a private qn asking me how old I am and what my name is. I told him to read my profile because all the information I wanted people to know about me could be found there, and I also told him I do not come on the zone to look for boyfriends. No more private qn's from him. I think most of the time all you need to do is let people know up front what kinds of conversation you want or don't want, and most people will leave you alone if that's what you want.
my general rule is only fine if you say hi fine if I don't know you but keep and continue a conversation when I offer one, and I've had people go hi how are you, every single damn time I log in it's like, you have a life, and that's all they'd want!!!!!
And don't say high or hey and then log out ... what?
One thing that has irked me in the past is when I've had several extensive conversations with someone, but every time they talk to me again they have to ask my name. I have had to get rude with a couple of those people and remind them I have told them my name several times and also remind them to reacquaint themselves with my profile so I don't have to keep answering the same questions over and over.
What is your name Blue Velvet? I've forgotten?
I start out with hi, because if I start out with something more, some don't bother responding.
I figure if they don't say hi back, it means they aren't interested in talking. Tha'ts fine.
If I spend all the time to write this longer QN to somebody and we're in the middle of a convo, and they don't respond while still logged on? uuuuuuuuugh that drives me insane!
I understand you get busy and sometimes don't refresh enough or sometimes QN's get missed. but at least say something, anything. even if its a conversation ender.
another thing that drives me crazy is say we're in the middle of a convo, and somebody just leaves without sayin a word.
I mean in person are you gonna just up and walk away? if on a phone or Skype call are you gonna just hang up on somebody?
why should this be any different ?
now, if the convo has sorta stopped and we're not talkin about anything, that's different. but to just up and leave somebody while in the middle of talkin to them about whatever?
how about those that come on public QN's and ask for help. so you send public QN's to try to help them and they just leave after you spend the time writing this detailed QN to help, provided them links, etc? leaving is ok, but leaving without them letting you know that they got your QN? at least let me know you got it. you don't gotta say thank you, you don't even gotta give something in return. just let me know you got what I said and go on about your business.
maybe this comes off as me bitching to some people, but that stuff drives me nuts
Personally i'll let people know I'm leaving. I try to give enough worning for them to say ok or good bye, if I can. I don't just not respond to people in the middle of a convo.
If it reaches a natural breaking point and it just sorta stops, then I don't feel bad about leaving.
if they are that busy and cant talk, they should say so.
I often leave the zone without telling whoever I'm talking to.
I rarely get into deep discussions, anyway, but even if I do, I don't see that particular thing as a big deal.
I agree with the last poster.
If I'm talking with someone and suddenly they no longer exist, I just say "did I just dream that?" <lol>
Actually, it's not a big deal to me.
Bob
maybe i'm weird... but its the fact that i'm in the middle of a discussion, then you leave in the middle of it that bothers me.
Plus I figured it like this. I wouldn't do that to you.
Please tel me i'm not the only one that is bothered by this.
I get shit happens. your net cuts out. you don't refresh in time. whatever. but eh.
if you get that people might be busy with other tasks, may not be in the mood to talk, or any number of other things, it seems to me that it wouldn't be such a big deal. just sayin'.
I mean, seriously, just cause some people like to sit around till they've determined a discussion has ended, doesn't mean all of us think that way.
by that logic, how are we to determine when a discussion ends? what if someone says they're leaving, but then discovers they're able to stay on and chat? would you be opposed to them doing so, since they had just told you they were leaving?
see my point? it seems that would do nothing but needlessly complicate things.
I get you JH. Common courtesy practices, that is all you are asking.
No I wouldn't be aposed to that, chelsey.
Exactly my point, VH. you got what i'm sayin.
I totally get your point JH. I am invisible most of the time these days, but when I do feel like being visible and get into a convo with someone, I make sure I let them know I'm leaving before logging off. Now, like you say, if the convo has already come to a natural end, then I see no reason to tell someone I haven't been chatting with in the last several minutes that I am leaving. But if we are actively chatting, I won't just disappear without any warning, and I don't like it when someone else does that to me. Like you said, if you are chatting in person, you wouldn't just turn and walk away without giving a reason or just hang up in the middle of a phone conversation. People who do that sort of thing are beyond rude in my opinion.
yep becky, you see my point exactly.
but I guess some people see online things as being different than the phone or in person.
There are those who will write publically or privately and greet people and then log out right away. They do it over and over again, and then they wonder why people won't bother responding to them anymore.
Sure I'll try to let someone know I'm leaving, but it's not a big deal to me if the conversation ends suddenly.
Unless it's an old guy like me and I could be having a heart attack. <lol>
I'm just saying, if it happens I don't think anything about it.
No big deal.
Bob
New person: Hi
Me: Hi
New Person: How are you?
Me: Bored with this small talk.
I also understand where you are coming from JH. I always try to let people know I'm needing to leave.
If they leave on me, I'm not to bothered, but I won't do them that way.
Now, I'm leaving.
But sometimes a person might have unexpected internet connection problems, so....
And I understand that matt.
Bob, if you say fine to a how are you, and that's when the convo stops... and they leave after that, I don't care about that.
its if your in the middle of a convo then that's when it bugs me.
Bob expressed my sentiments, exactly.
Jh, I might get a little anoyed if the conversation were really interesting.
But, frankly, how many conversations on here are that interesting?
I'm sure that those who have talked with me on here would agree that my end of the conversation was ...
I'e had people just get up and leave in-person chats. It's mildly embarrassing to find that you're talking to yourself, but I can let it go. Ham-dom offers the best all-purpose conversation ender of all-- bad radio conditions; LOL.
I understand these last posts, now here's my take on it. Sometimes you get a
call. Sometimes you are called at the house to help or for dinner. Sometimes the
internet cuts out. Sometimes you're not the only person we're talking to, so
QN's are missed. Sometimes we don't press /l to log out and we appear online
until we're logged out of the sight after a certain period of time. Sometimes,
your conversation is about the same thing over and over again and we're like
that's all you've got? Sometimes, the conversation naturally reaches a breaking
point that it is unnecessary to say when we're leaving. Personally, I usually do.
I agree with helping someone and them leaving right away, but big deal, get
over it. that's all. I try not to make a big deal out of these things, I don't
respond to people who say hi, and even though I don't respond they say hi
again and again. I just go about my business, ignoring stupid behavior is the
best policy in my opinion. This applys to publics too.
oh and also sometimes we're posting and we don't refresh on time, and when
we do the sender is logged out. So what should we have some kind of penalty
for this?
I tend to ignore the PQN's I get with someone just saying "hi." And, as was mentioned earlier in this thread, the same people who sent those PQN's 5 years ago, are still doing it now. I noticed that a few weeks ago, on a rare occasion when I was visible. If it's a quicknote from someone I've talked to before or who seems to want to have a genuine conversation, I'll respond. But I'm also one of those people who has a tendency to disappear quickly. And I also tend to forget to log out the whole way; I just close the window. Usually it's because I get a phone call, someone's at the door, I've got food in the oven... it can be for any number of reasons. It's a little different if you're talking to someone via voice chat and have to go; you can quickly say, "I have to go." It's not that simple if you're in a quicknote conversation, and sometimes you don't have time to send a message. A phone only rings for about 20 seconds, and it would take longer than that to select the person to PQN and say it. So there are times when all you can do is go.
I refuse to provide technical help over volatile text chats like Quicknotes where it will vanish.
I'm sticking to my guns on that one, even though some might get upset. I could quite easily make some pretty serious mistake otherwise, and I prefer to operate under the "Above all else, do no harm" principle.
Good on ya, Leo. I am firmly convinced that I miss quicknotes (private ones) on a regular basis, so using such an unreliable method to offer complex technical advice will likely do more harm than good... and the last thing you want is for some idiot to not have access to their computer.
It does no harm to be polite. I find it interesting that those who are intentionally thoughtless make excuses for being rude. Sure shit happens, disconnects, accidental missed messages etc. That doesn't excuse just being a prick. It only takes a second to either answer, or let someone know you have to go. What I personally find offensive is when you read a profile, try to start a conversation and the person doesn't even have the courtesy to at least answer. Sure, sometimes a guy or girl might be trying to flirt, that's human. One can express disinterest without being a creep. I once on here just said hello and the woman I wrote to immediately ranted about she wasn't interested in me told me to get lost and said it all in very harsh terms. Completely unnecessary. Funny thing was, I wasn't even flirting, just trying to meet someone. Very unkind behavior. I've also had the experience of PQN to someone and as soon as they receive the pQN, not only do they not answer, but they quickly sign out. I understand harsh reactions to harrassment, but lacking that motive, rudeness is rudeness. I agree with JH, and think Chelsea's approach is unnecessarily abrupt. Just my opinion. If someone sends me a PQN, I always at least answer. If I do not want to chat because I'm playing a game or something, I let them know without being a jerk about it. I like getting new messages from people I haven't talked with before. Why hang out on a social site if one doesn't want to be social?
So far I've only had discussions with people on the boards, though I admit I'd like to voicechat a little more, so I might investigate that if I ever get off my lazy ass and do it. But I have to say, I'm thinking seriously about disabling the quicknote feature because speaking only for me, I really, really, really hate it. I don't send quicknotes, and I don't answer them. Maybe that's being a bitch, but rather than risking that in the future, I think I'm gunna just do that.
That seems the most polite way to handle this. If you don't wish to talk, disable the feature. That way when people send, they receive the message you have it off.
It does sound good. No hard feelings on either end.
why hang out on a social site like this when you don't wanna be social? let's see, perhaps cause there are other things to do besides just chatting it up with people you don't know personally, and likely never will know personally.
So limiting.
I agree. Why come on a social type site, and be anti social?
not limiting, at all; what some people enjoy, others may not.
we're all entitled to our different preferences.
there seems to be a common, and frequent, misconception that people who don't socialize on here, also act standoffish in person.
that isn't the case; not for me, at least. I won't speak for others.
some of us simply don't find any value in chatting with people we'll likely never meet, just as I'm sure some of you would rather receive emails than text messages, drink beer than tea, or any number of other things one could think of.
I've found lots of value in knowing and talking to some people I may or may never meet.
Smile.
Oh, and I should say, I do hope these people have found and enjoy the friendship and see value in our conversations as well.
Well, I've been a member of this site for 10 years, and I have to say I think I only ever used the quicknotes feature for the first 2 years I was here.
I think Chelsea has a point, even if it was expressed rather abruptly. I only come here now to post on the boards and occasionally play anagrams or high-low. Yet, these things obviously have some value to me, or I wouldn't continue to use the site. I'd go elsewhere, perhaps to other forums where the social aspect isn't as heavily emphasized. There actually are a few other forums I'm on for that purpose.
And, in recent months, I haven't even posted on the boards as much as I once did, but I do peruse the new posts almost every day just to read what's going on. Even if I don't contribute, there are usually a few interesting discussions going on, which I feel it was worth my time to have read.
I first came on this site back in 2009 to meet other visually impaired people, and because there was a writer's board. Since I get validation from other people reading my writing, I thought it would be worth a try. (And no, that isn't healthy.:). I used the private QN feature a fair bit at first, when being a new member was a novelty both to me and others. These days, I can count on one hand the number of people who want to have meaningful conversations. I do most of my socializing here (such as it is) on the boards now, because I honestly find private quicknotes really unreliable. it's far too easy to miss them. If someone's really interested in talking to me, I'd much prefer private messages. Actually if we're being honest, I long for the days when MSN messenger was the go-to service.
Guardian, I miss MSN Messenger, too. Why do they discontinue or change all the good services?
But back to the topic at hand. I enjoy getting to know new people, but like several others, I tend to ignore a PQN that's one word, like, "Hi." Somehow this is the first time I'm reading this thread, so Leo, thanks for your suggestion way back in the early stages of this about different variations of high. Grins. But seriously, if someone can't come up with something more creative to open a conversation with, then I'm probably not interested. When talking online like this, writing is the only tool a person has to either make an impression, or to get an impression of someone else. Knowing that, you'd think people might put a little time and effort into their writing, but it's amazing how few people actually do. So, if they clearly don't, then I tend to ignore them.
If I get a PqN from someone I've never spoken with, the first thing I do is go read their profile. That tells me if this is someone I might want to talk to, as well as gives me ideas of things to talk with them about, so that I'm not breaking my own rule and sending one-word PQN's.
I might add that my way of handling PQN's now is completely different from how I handled them as a CL. During that time, I responded to all the PQN's I saw, even if they were just one word, because as a CL, it was my job to be friendly, and to help someone if they needed it. as a standard user again, I can afford to be more choosy.
As for the issue of hanging out on a social networking site if you don't want to be social, I see both sides. My way of handling it is if I don't want to talk, I either sign in invisibly, or turn off all QN's. If I want to talk, I stay visible, and leave all QN's on. Again, this is different now than when I was a CL, because then, whether I wanted to talk or not, I felt it was my responsibility to be visible when logged in, and available to talk to. Now, much of the time, the invisibility feature is my friend!
Selling premiums sister? Smile.
Oh, and,, Hi.
Nope, not a bit. Just taking advantage of my own.
Shame. You do such a great job of advertising the benefits.
Smile.
Hi sis.
When I was a CL, back in the dark ages, I kept qns on almost all the time. Now I'm usually logged in invisibly.
There are a few folks I may say hello to, but not most. (Not being unfriendly) just don't want a conversation right then.
One exception is new members when I see them on. I also send them a thousand points as a welcome. I don't have a whole lot of points, but what am I going to spend them On? nonexisting rafels?
Bob
On the extremely and unbelievably rare occasion that I sign in visible, I also never respond to private quicknotes, unless they're sent by friends. Just because this is a site where you're encouraged to be social doesn't mean that you have to socialize and/or talk with every weirdo or nutjob who sends you a private quicknote. There are many other features on this site that one can use including the boards, the games and graffiti. That being said, I don't want to turn off my quicknotes as some of you will suggest to do I'm sure, because as I said, there are the very very few friends that I will talk to if they are available.
very well said, last poster.
There are some of us pleasant folks who do not desire to be rude or ignore anyone. Personally, I am social when I can be.The main problem with some people apparently no one who has my tendencies have spoken up here, will either completely forget they are around here or remember well too late after they have been already logged out, due to absent mindedness. I am extremely interoverted and highly a deep thinker. I am known sometimes even in quite thought provoking real life conversation to be so absorb in thought I forget I was in a conversation and become absent-mindedly silent. Some people ask me if I am alright. I tend to stare off in to space. If I can be absent minded about more important things such as food and real life conversation, being absent-minded about quicknotes isn't such an exception. If I am absorbed elsewhere I will absolutely forget, sometimes for hours. So, no, I am not trying to be rude. Even wit quite engaging conversations I do other things besides quicknote others on this site.
Wow, I very rarely interact on quick notes any more because like some people, I just come on here to read the boards, and play games (though haven't played any in a while).
I don't know where people are getting the idea that this is a social site; yes, there's the options for that but there's other stuff to do besides.
The games and other features however, are a smaller fraction of this site. Some of the non-social features tend to be supplementary to the social elements. I do comsider this a social site, but disagree merely because you are on here, necessitates a highly social manner. Some, of us are highly introverted.
In response to post 73:
I have to disagree with you. If the site was as you said, then the option to disable some of these features, such as quicknotes would not be available to the average user. The site was designed to cator to several different types of people. will provide a few examples below:
1. There are the highly sociable people like well, seemingly yourself and others, who will say hi everytime someone logs in, either via private or public quicknotes.
2. There are the people like myself, who just prefer to read the boards, catch up with what's been going on and occasionally let themselves be heard.
3. There are people that just log into the site to play a game or two. Indeed, I can think of several users right off the top of my head who just log in every day to play the anagram games and nothing else.
4. Finally, there are the people who like a little bit of everything, or one or two of the things mentioned above.
There are several other different types of people and categorizations on this site, I'm sure. I just mentioned the ones that I personally believe to be the most popular at this time and from my own observations.
I am amused. You think I am the social type?
There are only three features on here not social,. The games, the quizzes, and raffles. The other features are typical of a social media site. They either facilitate social networking or are methods of social networking. The act of reading and posting to these message boards is quite social. Bulletin boards/message boards were one of the first types of social media sites to exist on the internet. The act of posting a message on this thread is a communications, and thus by definition social. You are social networking when you post on here along with posting on the graffiti threads. Quicknotes are not the only method of interaction on this site. There is also the option of the zone by phone lines and team talk servers to socialize. private messaging is also a very social feature. The rest of the features on this site facilitates communications such as profiles, audio profiles, blogs, make a friend, happy birthday, statistics, the status log, events, person watch, and others. There are far more social elements to this site, even though there are a handful of people who log in merely to play the games.
Yes, this site can be called a social networking site. Extroverted and introverted people are both on here to socializ in some degree. Yes, some extroverts do greett most people and have a large numbers of conversation. I do not agree this how individuals must and should act. there are a few of us who refreshes the page to check if some individual desires to talk to us, occasionally and occasionally post on the boards.
I am amused. You think I am the social type?
There are only three features on here not social,. The games, the quizzes, and raffles. The other features are typical of a social media site. They either facilitate social networking or are methods of social networking. The act of reading and posting to these message boards is quite social. Bulletin boards/message boards were one of the first types of social media sites to exist on the internet. The act of posting a message on this thread is a communications, and thus by definition social. You are social networking when you post on here along with posting on the graffiti threads. Quicknotes are not the only method of interaction on this site. There is also the option of the zone by phone lines and team talk servers to socialize. private messaging is also a very social feature. The rest of the features on this site facilitates communications such as profiles, audio profiles, blogs, make a friend, happy birthday, statistics, the status log, events, person watch, and others. There are far more social elements to this site, even though there are a handful of people who log in merely to play the games.
Yes, this site can be called a social networking site. Extroverted and introverted people are both on here to socializ in some degree. Yes, some extroverts do greett most people and have a large numbers of conversation. I do not agree this how individuals must and should act. there are a few of us who refreshes the page to check if some individual desires to talk to us, occasionally and occasionally post on the boards.
You don't have to be social and I'd agree the site is set up so you don't have to.
My thing is, if you decide not to be, use the features. Being rude just seems, well, rude.
How many keystrokes would it require to say, hello back, and tell the person you are busy, so have a nice day?
If you use the features, you don't even need to do that.
I guess I'm saying, if you leave yourself open to be contacted, you shouldn't be rude when you are.
but Wayne, we'd then have to assume that everyone has the same definition of "rude" as you do. I sure don't, and I know I'm not alone in that thinking.
as someone has previously said, there's no harm in keeping quicknotes on for the occasional person you wanna talk to; if people get bent out of shape cause I (or anyone else) choose not to answer their quicknotes, it's not my responsibility to heal their wounded heart, so to speak.
what I and a few others are trying to say, I think, is that no one is obligated, or should feel obligated, to answer to people just cause the majority of users feel not doing so is the ultimate form of rudeness.
I think it's rude that some of the first few questions asked by people on here is where someone is from, whether they're single, how old they are, ETC, but I don't go around telling people that they should stop being so nosy. I simply don't respond to such questions, as is my right.
I use to think in a similar fashion, believe me.The standard of politeness is merely to be kind and mild mannered and understand sensitivity to a mild degree. This does not mean, you must be emotional with them or let their emotions run the conversation. I don't generally answer some of those questions, myself, however, I attempt to be tactful about it.
For a change, I agree with Chelsae about something. I think it's rude when a guy's first question is about my age, looks, weight, or relationship status. But I generally don't just ignore these questions. I tell them to read my profile and that everything I want people to know about me can be found there. I also tell this to people who ask my name. I realize not everyone gives there name in their profile, but I do, and I hate it that someone attempts to start a conversation with me without having first checked my profile for that basic piece of information. I never start a conversation with someone I don't know without checking their profile to see if there is anything we have in common. If I don't find anything interesting about them or find that they have not filled out a profile, then what would be the point in trying to talk to them? I also check the profile of someone who says hi to me before deciding whether or not to respond to them.
Here is something that I find particularly funny. I've read profiles of a few people who claim to be friendly and say they want to meet more people. Then you see they have all messages turned off. Frendly? Really?
Yeai! That Becky.
One day I read a users profile. She seemed interesting and had exactly that written.
I said hello, and said I saw she had logged in, so I read her profile.
I ask her a question about something she'd listed.
Next thing I know, she put me on ignore.
Okay, fine, what I think might be rude, and what others think might be rude is going to be different.
But, again, you have yourself open, so why not just answer?
I am not obligated, to open a door for someone with lots of things in hand, but I do. I don't just open it, walk in and allow it to close so they have to struggle to open it. Hell, I'm not the door man, right?
I don't even know them, and they might not even be my type.
I don't see this as mild mannered, or whatever. If I know someone is trying to be nice, I give them a chance to ask me these rude questions and avoid them.
My age, status, breast and shoe size are things we can learn about after they know me.
If I put these in my profile, I'll agree, than I want it public.
you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't, though, at least if you're a woman.
when people send me quicknotes before having even read my profile, I freely tell them to read my profile, rather than just striking up a conversation with me simply cause they see my username, or whatever.
the reason I say that you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't, is cause, even if you're that upfront with people, they still get pissed off at your not wanting to talk to them.
so, again, why should I waste my time?
a point that I forgot to bring up earlier, is that, due to everyone logging on here for different reasons, the expectation of everyone wanting to strike up conversation with users, is beyond silly, to me.
I mean, I get that some people go up to a random stranger on the street and hug them in real life, just cause they can, but that doesn't mean the world as a whole should accept that as a welcoming gesture.
it's similar to what we're talking about here; just a different scenario, but the same concept applies.
My first line of defense is to change the subject. I attempt to be tactful unless they are rather rude. I do not generally allow individuals to ask me for my weight, looks, status, or sexual questions. I mostly avoid the questions.
Ah, but you put your age, or I'll bet that is your age in your Zone name. Smile.
RachelN92
Now, are you single? Lol
Ah yes, those creepy (I call them) guys who's first QN to you is asking about height, weight, relationship status, appearance, breast size or all of the above; I block them.
As Chelsea said, sometimes we may desire to talk to a few people.
I will generally say hi if sensible people say hi to me and have something equally as sensible to follow that up with. But people who simply just say hi and nothing out, or, "what up" do get ignored.
As I said earlier, there was a time back in 03, 04 where I'd live on quicknotes but I had a lot of friends here then.
hahahahaha! I am amused! 92 would be birth year.
Isn't it kind of polite to start a conversation with hi to give the person on the other end to ignore or respond? I'd at least feel more pressured to respond if someone started a conversation something really substancial.
no, people don't necessarily have to start conversations with "hi."
they could start a discussion with something interesting they read in a person's profile, or something thought-provoking they saw a person post on the boards, ETC.
honestly, those sort of things make it far more likely that I'll respond to people, if for no other reason than to acknowledge the fact that they took some time to actually find out a little bit of what I'm about, rather than just randomly messaging me.
exactly. I hate it when people ask me "where are you from? well, it says in my profile if you bothered enough to take a look. Sorry but seriously. lol #FirstWorldProblems I know.
I tend to agree with the last two posters. Personally I prefer if the messages were more substancial however, I am not frustrated by basic conversation, and than move in to more substantive conversations. I will not deliberately not answer. I am not partial to acting on blatant opinion or feelings. I attempt to be acommodating, unless they have a desire to say only hello to me and little else.
Hi Rachael. How did you get your name Rachael?
Oh, forgot, don't start a good conversation with hi. Lets see.
Girl! I got your 92, but how did you get the name Rachael? Smile.
Rachel is my Name and N is the first letter of my surname. 92 is birth year.
what is the issue with starting the conversation with hi?
Seems to be a Zone sin. You can't say hi. You must have lots to say, and if you start it off with hi you she'll be ignored.
only if one allows for it to be so.
the real question is, what is the issue with people making an effort to say more than just "hi" to people?
if this is really as social a site as most of you claim it is, people actually making an effort to, you know, socialize with others, shouldn't be a big deal. that's what they're here for, right? so, why make such a big stink about that?
Girl! I didn't make a stink. I just observed the sins. Lol
I agree with you Chelsea, however, we are not able to force people to be social on a social site nor are we able to demand people message with more than "hi" I agree, it can be irritating, if Hi is all they wish to communicate to another person.
I agree you can't force a person to be social, but if they have there settings so they can be contacted, how do you know not to bother them?
Seems the first opener to learn if they are willing to chat is to say "Hi, or hello."
You can add, how are you today?
If I don't get a response, I won't continue sending notes, but I also don't want to write a book and not bet a response.
agreed and often, if someone private message another person, it will not hurt I think to say, "I am sorry, however, I am not rather a social person, and I am not quite up for speaking to individuals on here." If one ignores another person, the other party is not to know if this is an indication that one has not received the quicknote or if one does not wish to respond.
no one is demanding anything, Rachel; I'm simply saying that people shouldn't expect me to talk to them, just cause I'm a member of this "social site."
some of us, myself included, make sure to say in our profile that we don't socialize on here.
so, yes, people would know, if they bothered to read people's profiles first, before contacting them.
so, I don't expect people to know how I feel, as no one is a mind reader. however, if people message me and I don't answer them, it would be nice if they took the hint, rather than continuing to message me the next time they see me logged in or whatever. it's really not hard to do, nor is it too much to ask, on my part.
That's reasonable however, not many are in the habit of reading profiles, which is why status message texts can be useful I find.
I agree. If you wrote it, and you don't respond, that is saying. That is fine if you say.
My rule for the longest time was that if someone only sent a message saying "hi," I would not respond to them. Now, I may or may not, depending on what is in their profile. Also, there are any number of socially inept people and creepers sniffing around here, so sorry, if I don't like them off the bat, I'm not saying a damn thing. Sometimes, I like messing with people though and will drag them through a torturous interaction.
Personally, I am one of those people who just disappears. I gotta run, gotta cook, gotta take care of the dog, or I just fall asleep. If other people do the same, I'm not up in arms about it. I just assume people have lives, and I'm nowhere near item number one in most people's books.
Also, when people ask me my name, I just tell them to figure it out. It's in my nametag, it's written in my profile. Apparently, my name is so unique to some people that they don't believe it's my real name. Believe it.
Chelsea, I find it surprising that you find it rude that someone ask where you're from or how old you are. I can understand not wanting to answer those questions, but thinking them rude? Why out of curiosity? I definitely do this if it's not stated in someone's profile. If someone says something like "older than you," I'm not offended. But I gauge how to interact with someone according to how old they are. I don't talk the same way or about the same stuff with my college friends that I do with my friends who are not college-aged.
Ah, and that is exactly why age is a problem.
If a person says, I'm college age, or if a person says I'm in my 40's, that shouldn't change the conversation content.
Now, if you are speaking of things a college age person might, such as studying, or going to a game, a 40 year old person should be able to relate provided they've gone to college. If not, you get a sense of what there like.
I don't expect a college aged person to know about for example financing a house, but I do expect them to be able to hold a conversation about it.
I personally don't like being put in a box as to the sorts of conversations I might like or not like. We are getting to know each other, provided, we have opened up conversation.
In that respect, I want a person to share whatever they want to share without restraints as to male, femaile, older, younger, race. Lets talk.
If I'm not awear of something, or havein't experienced something, I learn.
For me, it totally changes the conversation content. I find that I cannot goof around and joke in the same way, or even use the same kind of language sometimes, with people who are not college-aged. Things just go over some people's heads, or they consider me to be incredibly immature.
For instance, I spoke to several people yesterday. A couple of them were older than me, and one of them was younger. The way I and the younger person communicated was totally different. We could joke around with each other, keep messages brief and convey what we wanted to. I found with the older people, messages were more drawn out and they were not willing to goof around as much, or not in the same way. Maybe it was the people I was talking to, the moods they were in, the time of day, or just perceptions specific to certain people. But it's something that I've observed on multiple occasions. It isn't always the case, and I usually don't judge till I've thrown jokes and feelers out there, but typically, this is what happens to me.
It is true the college aged ones are quick to say Tl DR or can't read a paragraph of text sometimes.
I still call some of 'em "lmfao-textin' fools," as a joke, and some of 'em are indeed.
But hell, the daughter and nieces respond to questions posed to them in texts with the great and robust response of
K
So, not surprising if some of the young ones want everything in one liners or half sentences.
I don't know if she meant that.
I can see both points, but I think people feel they should act ina specific manner depending on there age group.
Social status also does this, and I wonder why?
I can talk to anyone on any level, and actually enjoy doing so. I dislike being held to a specific topic group, or language matter.
Oh, I'm with you there, Wayne.
I'm with Wayne here, in that age should not be a dictator of how people talk to someone; that certainly isn't the case, for me.
in fact, I rarely get along with people my age, due to the fact that the way they act, and the way they think about topics they enjoy talking about, are often idealistic, immature, and not well thought out.
much like Wayne, I can talk to anyone, on any level, about any subject matter; I love hearing differing perspectives on things, as well as sharing my own perspectives on things.
This is an interesting topic to me. There seem to be very different opinions upon this matter.
For me, if you just say something like hi, or hello, often I'll respond. This of course, is after reading your profile, because as some have mentioned on here, there are some creepers and odd balls. If I ever do send you a private message, it's because I have found something we have in common in the profiles, or I have seen you chat quite a bit via the public quicknotes.
As far as the questions go in terms of how old someone may be, or where they are located, one might be able to look that up in the profile, yet some of that information may have changed. For example, my profile says I'm located in Alaska. That's going to change soon hopefully, and I'll honestly probably forget to change that. So I personally, don't find those questions rude. I think it's just starting conversation, or small talk. On the other hand, if someone would ask me about bra size, hight, weight, etc, etc, just off the bat, I'm sure I wouldn't appreciate that. Someone did that to me when I had never talked or seen them before on here, and they were put on ignore.
The thing I do find hard to do on the chat is joke. I try to put a "Haha" after every joke of mine on chat, but sometimes I don't, just because I think my joke was well understood. Or rather, made sense. But as we know humor is subjective, I have gotten some quite annoyed with me, because I thought I was being humorous, and they took it the wrong way. I'm not mean, but it can be quite hard to get the tone of someone's words via a quicknote, if that makes sense.
As for John's opinion about people leaving in the middle of a conversation, yes, I completely agree. But as most of you know on here, my Alaskan internet has been known to drop, but I always see them when I log back in, and generally try to respond to them when possible.
Leo, I'm not a big fan of the one word text like
"K"
Drives me crazy! Haha.
Anyways, I think I've said enough. I'm out!!!!